Because Life is Funny

Heels: A Brief Manifesto

Heels: A Brief Manifesto

I’m trying to wear heels more often. First, because it seems like a skill set that should be added to my resume as a woman. And second, so that I stop getting mistaken for a high school student at college fairs and high school visits.

(For real.)

But here’s the thing I don’t understand about heels. Actually, retract that, because there isn’t a single thing I DO understand about heels. I want to know who came up with this idea? Who thought it wise to put an entire woman atop two tiny little pegs? And who manages to wear these … Continue reading

Liquids, Cremation, and Meth

Liquids, Cremation, and Meth

It’s been a busy couple of days on the road in New England, but two things made me laugh yesterday and I feel the need to share them.

First, I make coffee in a travel size french press when I’m in hotels, and yesterday as I was cleaning it out I noticed that one of the directions was worded differently than I expected:

“CAUTION: Children and hot liquids should be kept apart.”

Is it just me, or is that odd? Because when is the time that children and liquids of any temperature are specifically instructed to be kept together?

Second, … Continue reading

Thoughts on Indoor Pools

Thoughts on Indoor Pools

Can we talk about something controversial?

I don’t like indoor pools. I just don’t.

(I’m also not a big fan of swimming in lakes amongst the Things That Live In Them, but that’s another conversation for another day.)

Let’s preface this by noting that I’ve never loved swimming in general. Being wet outside of the shower on purpose when you live in upstate New York just seems like a funny idea. It’s cold here. Cold is what we do. We can leave the swimming to the Floridians.

But recently I was staying at a hotel and on the way to … Continue reading

Things I Don’t Understand About Price Chopper

Things I Don’t Understand About Price Chopper

Originally posted here on October 11, 2012

For anyone who might have missed the newsflash that wasn’t too flashy, I moved back home a few weeks ago. Which means, among other things, that I moved from the land of Wegmans to the land of Price Chopper.

Which is not unlike moving from The Capitol to District 12, for all of youHunger Games fans out there.

In short: it’s not good.

While I was shopping the other day I noticed that there are several things I don’t understand about Price Chopper. Today we’ll discuss the first two in this series … Continue reading

Batman Returns

Batman Returns

Originally posted here on July 30, 2012

Where I spent the majority of the morning. Outside of The Cave.

Time: 4:45am

Location: My bedroom

Scene: I awake to a noise I can’t place. It sounds like something is shuffling. Is it my new downstairs neighbors whom I haven’t met yet? Is it something outside? Then, I hear a distinct fluttering. And I think, “No…it couldn’t be…”

OH YES, IT COULD.

Cue: The return of the bat, who entered in dramatic fashion by flying in circles above my bed.

I leapt out of bed. Not because I was rejoicing over

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The Bat

The Bat

Originally posted here on July 16, 2012

On Thursday, I was frantically trying to blow dry my hair without sweating my makeup off in 10 minutes or less so I could attend a Squarespace webinar I signed up for last-minute. I shut off the blow dryer and started to tame my mane when I thought I saw something on the living room floor. I opened the door a little wider to find a bat starring straight at me.

And then I uttered loud words that were not profane but were also not ladylike so I’ll refrain from sharing them here.… Continue reading

And That’s When the Cops Pulled Into Our Driveway

And That’s When the Cops Pulled Into Our Driveway

Originally posted here on December 25, 2011

Last year’s Christmas story featured some classic Mom antics. Trust me, she had her moments this Christmas as well. (At church: Me – “Who’s that?” Mom – “Yes, I’m excited about the rolls, too!”) But this year, it was all about the police and marijuana.Don’t worry, the two are not related. This story doesn’t end in prison.First, we’ll start with how we all awoke this morning. It was kind of like a poem. But kind of not.

We set our alarms for 7am. I was up at 5am because I’m ridiculous and still

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