Why I’m not married
If my life had a most Frequently Asked Question it would easily be this:
“So…when are you going to get married?”
Now, it always makes me wonder how people expect me to answer that question when they know I am not currently dating anyone. That’s not even putting the cart before the horse; that’s making the cart and the horse time travel. If I could see that clearly into the future, I would probably have a full-time job right now. Let’s be reasonable.
But I understand why they’re asking. I was raised in a small Southern Baptist church. I spent a few years as a homeschooler. I went to a Christian college. And I’m not completely devoid of wife-like qualities. All cultural norms would point to me getting married nearly a decade ago. And there are so many questions (so. many. questions.) as to why it hasn’t happened yet.
Don’t I want to get married?
Aren’t I afraid I’ll wait too long and never get married?
Am I looking for the “perfect” man?
Do I know that he doesn’t exist?
Am I too free spirited?
Am I not committed enough?
Am I too/not enough (insert your favorite quality here)?
In the end, there’s only one answer to the question of why I’m not married:
I haven’t met my husband yet.
I’m not the least bit concerned that I’ll never get married because I have so much faith that I will get married.
It seems so simple to me.
But really, it’s not. There are probably loads of other reasons why I’m not married yet. For one, I spent a hefty chunk of time dead-set on never getting married, so no doubt that led me to getting a late start out of the gate. I’ve also been tunnel vision focused on my career, and have a knack for turning down dates like they’re going out of style. Plus, as previously noted, I have a thing for indecision and am a well-documented commitment-phobe. So it’s not like I’m making this whole process easier.
And yet, I don’t think I’ve made it any harder, either. I don’t think God has been caught off guard by this timeline, nor would I go back and do anything differently if I had the chance. I’ve truly treasured this time of being single, knowing that life doesn’t start when I get married. Life is happening right now. And if I’m not living it to the fullest and loving every second while I’m single, what makes me think anything will change when I’m married?
I didn’t think that I’d still be single at 27. But really, nothing I thought would be true of my life at 27 actually is. I’m doing things the long way, the riskier way, the creative way. And I like that. A lot!
I think there’s a misconception that if you enjoy single life, you don’t actually want to be married all that badly. As if being content with being single means that you probably want to stay single forever.
That’s not true. (I know because I’m living it!) How much I embrace life right now has no bearing on my future marital status. If anything, learning to be content in every situation might make for a stronger marriage in the future. And if I could get an Amen! to anything in this post, please feel free to make it for the following:
It’s ok to love your life as-is.
No, really. It’s ok.
Married, engaged, dating, or single. We’re a little conditioned to think that we always have to be striving for something and therefore can’t enjoy what we have right now. But that’s not true either. In fact, that’s one big consumer culture lie.
So the next time someone asks me why I’m not married yet and if I’m scared that I’ll die alone, I’ll politely respond with the truth: I love my life as-is; I just haven’t met my husband yet.