573 words on the Nice Black Shoes

I’ve learned a thing or two in my 30 years of life, and one of those things is this: comfort > style.

I’m not exactly rolling into work in my pajamas or anything, but let’s just say I’ve embraced a flexible definition of the word “pants.” So yesterday morning, when I was deciding what to wear and I wanted to go with the Nice Black Shoe option, I came to a crossroads.

I like the Nice Black Shoes from Target, but the Nice Black Shoes don’t like me. By mid-day I’m always cursing my choice of footwear, … Continue reading

Dear Best Parts Of My Life

One would think you’d be easy to spot. That, from a distance, I could look out on the horizon and see you coming along all shiny and beautiful and say, “Hey! That’s a good thing on the way!”

But you’re not like that. You are so tricky. You’re just like Jesus, behind the door that’s behind the other door.

More often than not, you come disguised as something I don’t even kind of want, lurking behind a series of doors. I’m looking at you, Traveling Internationally For Work, Living With Roommates, Having A Dog, and about a hundred others.

This is … Continue reading

872 Words On Anti-Theft Audio Systems

Earlier this week, after reading this post by Melanie Shankle, I realized it had been far too long since I’d posted an interesting life anecdote here. My car, as per all of the times, saw the gleaming door of opportunity and charged straight through it.

So, my headlight went out earlier this week. No big deal. I called my mechanic and he told me to bring it in anytime. Fantastic.

When I went back to pick it up, I couldn’t get my automatic locks to work. I thought that was odd but not entirely out of the ordinary, because … Continue reading

Dear Lauren Graham

Between the number of hours I’ve spent watching Gilmore Girls and Parenthood, it’s safe to say you’ve had a strong presence in my life over the past decade or so. (And by that I mean I’ve probably spent more time with you than I have with some of my actual friends. Sorry, three-dimensional people.)

But even though Lorelai Gilmore and Sarah Braverman have taught me many good things, none of them compare to this:

In contrast, a few months after the book was published, I got word that Ellen DeGeneres’s production company, AVGP, wanted to option it for television.

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Dear Olive

Remember that one time when you were a diva and wouldn’t poop even though I knew you had to because, from birth, it’s been your habit to hold it until the very last second? And remember when I took you outside one last time before bed and you almost went but then got distracted and no further attempts to make you poop yielded anything but multiple blanks stares? And then I said, “If you wake me up in the middle of the night because you don’t feel inclined to poop just quite yet but will feel led to do so … Continue reading